Feeling Caged
I saw a meme today that reads, "Someone once said, 'If you look at the people in your circle and don't get inspired, then you don't have a circle, you have a cage.'" I can relate to this meme because that is best way I can describe how I feel right now. I feel caged. I feel stuck.
This week has been a long week. To be honest, the past few months have been draining for me. I have not felt this way for quite a few years. I feel like something needs to change, but I am not sure how to change what needs to be changed.
What tires me are the elitist comments I hear every day, the "this-is-just-the-way-things-are" mindset in the environment in which I find myself, the cliquey atmosphere and attitudes. I just become so frustrated. And I can't say anything. That is the bad part. I can't say anything because of the risks of losing things I need if I do say something.
"I am tired of pretending to agree with people I do not agree with. I am tired of going along for the sake of wages or a job or a name. From now on, when someone - I do not care who - makes an arrogant, classist, narcissistic, what-they-interpret-as-clever-or-funny-but-it-is-really-demeaning-to-another-person comment, I will reply. That person may not like my reply, but I hope it makes him/her think. I will reply, even if the statement is not directed toward me. If I am within earshot of the comment, I will reply. I would rather stand alone than stand with verbal abuse. I will become as bold in my speaking as I am in my writing. My responses will show my strength."
Now that I type it, this appears to be an affirmation. Perhaps I should print it off and read it every morning before I leave home or tape it to the sun visor in my car to read whenever I need to read it. Maybe the determination to act, and the actual action, will help me feel less caged until I find myself unstuck.
This week has been a long week. To be honest, the past few months have been draining for me. I have not felt this way for quite a few years. I feel like something needs to change, but I am not sure how to change what needs to be changed.
What tires me are the elitist comments I hear every day, the "this-is-just-the-way-things-are" mindset in the environment in which I find myself, the cliquey atmosphere and attitudes. I just become so frustrated. And I can't say anything. That is the bad part. I can't say anything because of the risks of losing things I need if I do say something.
Today, I had to get out. I had to get away, alone, to contemplate, to think, to write out my feelings. I parked at a park and jotted down some things that are going to change when I am in this environment. Here is the edited version of what I wrote:
"I am tired of pretending to agree with people I do not agree with. I am tired of going along for the sake of wages or a job or a name. From now on, when someone - I do not care who - makes an arrogant, classist, narcissistic, what-they-interpret-as-clever-or-funny-but-it-is-really-demeaning-to-another-person comment, I will reply. That person may not like my reply, but I hope it makes him/her think. I will reply, even if the statement is not directed toward me. If I am within earshot of the comment, I will reply. I would rather stand alone than stand with verbal abuse. I will become as bold in my speaking as I am in my writing. My responses will show my strength."
Now that I type it, this appears to be an affirmation. Perhaps I should print it off and read it every morning before I leave home or tape it to the sun visor in my car to read whenever I need to read it. Maybe the determination to act, and the actual action, will help me feel less caged until I find myself unstuck.
Comments
Post a Comment