On Spiritual Abuse (Troublemaker: Surviving Hollywood and Scientology) by Leah Remini

This year, my sister gave me the book Troublemaker: Surviving Hollywood and Scientology for Christmas.  I just finished reading it this  morning.  In this project, actress Leah Remini tells of her 30-plus years in the cult of Scientology.  She describes brain-washing, condemnation of critical thinking, dependence upon leadership, making the church look good to the public at all costs, dehumanization, and the feeling of inadequacy and hatred of self upon leaving the church.  In short, what she describes are the universal effects of spiritual abuse.

As I read Troublemaker, I saw that spiritual abuse does not have to be of any one particular religion.  It can rear its ugly head in any spiritual system.  The doctrine of Scientology is abusive in many ways, from what this author describes.  So was the doctrine of the church I was a part of for two years - a Christian denomination.  

I was a part of an apostolic church, a form of the United Pentecostal movement.  I saw brainwashing.  I heard condemnation of critical thinking - right in sermons from the pulpit.  Also from sermons from the pulpit, I heard that "disrespecting leadership" (i.e. questioning or challenging) would not be tolerated and that the church should be defended to the public.  More than once, I was personally told not to say anything that would make the church look bad to those outside.  I experienced having my identity stripped from me in attempts to make me fit the guidelines of the church doctrine.  And, yes, when I left the church, I believed that God may punish me for doing so.  

Unless one has experienced this combination of spiritual and emotional abuse, it may be difficult to believe such stories as those presented in Troublemaker.  I, however, have no problem whatsoever believing everything Remini writes.  These experiences happen, and the public should be educated about them.  I applaud Remini for her courage in sharing her experiences.  It's not an easy thing to do.  

In the last chapter, Leah Remini describes what she learned from her years in the Church of Scientology.  In short, she learned to take the good and the bad and see how both affected her life.  What she has had to re-learn is how to be herself - not the pre-programmed idea of who the church felt she should be.  She writes, "And so, in that I feel reborn in a sense.  I am reading, I go to therapy, I do things that bring me joy, learning to love the one person that I didn't like very much - myself.  I am a combative, inquisitive, argumentative person, and I will never allow anyone to change that.  I still have anger, but I'm okay with that because it fuels me to continue to right any wrongs I may see."  

Any regular readers of this blog knows of my personal re-discovery of myself.  They know of my struggle to stop living in fear, to start believing that it is okay to be me.  I also have re-discovered my passions, my joys.  I have learned to take chances I never would have taken before.  

I know that being in this spiritually abusive situation helped me to understand many of the fears that were instilled in me when I was growing up (my mother had also been a part of such an environment in her early years, which greatly affected how she raised her daughters).  Being in this spiritually abusive situation, as this author points out, also taught me to right wrongs when I see them.  I do not know if I would have had the guts to leave other exclusive organizations just this year had I not first had to leave this church.  I do not know if I would have had the courage to write to family members and tell them how specific actions hurt me had I not publicly come out with my own experiences of spiritual abuse.  Everything is a chance to grow.  

I guess that's a good place to close in a post written on New Year's Eve.  I'm not a person for resolutions, but I am person for lessons learned.