An Answer... A Purpose
Today, through our housechurch study, I received an answer about which I have wondered and prayed for a few years - since leaving a spiritually-abusive environment.
Today, we studied I Kings 13. In chapter 13 of I Kings, the reader is introduced to a man of God from Judah who delivers a message to Jeroboam, king of Israel. God has told the man of God to not eat or drink while in Israel and to take a different road than the one by which he came. This man of God has a purpose, and he is not to deviate from that purpose. God has given this man an assignment. Nothing should deter God's purpose for him.
When Jeroboam attempts to persuade the man of God to tarry in Israel, the man refuses. However, when a fellow prophet attempts to persuade the man of God to come back to Israel and eat and drink, this prophet is successful with his deception. He convinces the man of God by reminding he, too, has heard from God and God has told him he is to give the man of God food and drink. No doubt, because the prophet is a prophet (not a worldly king), the man of God believes him. He must think the prophet is correct because he claims a message from God. The man of God, thus, is dissuaded from his purpose.
This message hit home for me. All the time I was attending a spiritually-abusive church, I heard messages that sounded like a godsend. These messages related to the trials I was going through at the time. They brought me comfort, just as the man of God was comforted with food and drink. They eased my pain and fear, as the food and drink provided by the prophet eased the discomfort associated with hunger and thirst. However, they also left me wondering if the other messages I heard taught there, in this spiritually-abusive environment, were also God trying to tell me that what I had always believed to be true was actually false. Was I truly never saved until I walked through the doors of that church? Was every other Christian I had met on the street or in other churches or at workplaces destined for hell because they had not accepted this particular church's doctrine? More personally, was I so wrong in everything I had believed about what God had told me for so many years? Had I been prideful in believing that God had made His purpose known to me? After all, God had used this church and its other messages so powerfully.
This is why it took me over a year to leave this church. This is why I put up with the emotional and spiritual abuse I encountered there. I felt God must be trying to teach me a lesson through the treatment. I obviously had been too prideful or I would not be having these experiences. There were many messages against pride. I gave up on things that were important to me - things that I had previously believed God had led me to. I failed a semester of college and then took a year off, questioning whether I should return to finish my final, three classes before graduation. I gave up hope of any accomplishments. I even became convinced, through private conversations with leaders, that counseling, rather than advocacy, is my gift. I remember when the YouTube video "Why I Hate Religion but Love Jesus" came out, a leader asked me if I wished I had made the video. I told him yes. He replied something to the extent that this could be rebellion. As the lion devoured the man of God in this biblical re-telling in I Kings 13, so it mentally devoured me in this spiritually-abusive environment.
The lesson in our housechurch today showed me we have to be more confident in what God tells us than we are in what others - even those who appear most godly - promote.
Now I reply:
Advocacy Is Not Rebellion. An Education Is Not Wrong.
God gave me an academic, analytical mind for a reason. He gave me a passion and courage for advocacy for a reason. I will not allow myself to be deceived away from this purpose.
Today, we studied I Kings 13. In chapter 13 of I Kings, the reader is introduced to a man of God from Judah who delivers a message to Jeroboam, king of Israel. God has told the man of God to not eat or drink while in Israel and to take a different road than the one by which he came. This man of God has a purpose, and he is not to deviate from that purpose. God has given this man an assignment. Nothing should deter God's purpose for him.
When Jeroboam attempts to persuade the man of God to tarry in Israel, the man refuses. However, when a fellow prophet attempts to persuade the man of God to come back to Israel and eat and drink, this prophet is successful with his deception. He convinces the man of God by reminding he, too, has heard from God and God has told him he is to give the man of God food and drink. No doubt, because the prophet is a prophet (not a worldly king), the man of God believes him. He must think the prophet is correct because he claims a message from God. The man of God, thus, is dissuaded from his purpose.
This message hit home for me. All the time I was attending a spiritually-abusive church, I heard messages that sounded like a godsend. These messages related to the trials I was going through at the time. They brought me comfort, just as the man of God was comforted with food and drink. They eased my pain and fear, as the food and drink provided by the prophet eased the discomfort associated with hunger and thirst. However, they also left me wondering if the other messages I heard taught there, in this spiritually-abusive environment, were also God trying to tell me that what I had always believed to be true was actually false. Was I truly never saved until I walked through the doors of that church? Was every other Christian I had met on the street or in other churches or at workplaces destined for hell because they had not accepted this particular church's doctrine? More personally, was I so wrong in everything I had believed about what God had told me for so many years? Had I been prideful in believing that God had made His purpose known to me? After all, God had used this church and its other messages so powerfully.
This is why it took me over a year to leave this church. This is why I put up with the emotional and spiritual abuse I encountered there. I felt God must be trying to teach me a lesson through the treatment. I obviously had been too prideful or I would not be having these experiences. There were many messages against pride. I gave up on things that were important to me - things that I had previously believed God had led me to. I failed a semester of college and then took a year off, questioning whether I should return to finish my final, three classes before graduation. I gave up hope of any accomplishments. I even became convinced, through private conversations with leaders, that counseling, rather than advocacy, is my gift. I remember when the YouTube video "Why I Hate Religion but Love Jesus" came out, a leader asked me if I wished I had made the video. I told him yes. He replied something to the extent that this could be rebellion. As the lion devoured the man of God in this biblical re-telling in I Kings 13, so it mentally devoured me in this spiritually-abusive environment.
The lesson in our housechurch today showed me we have to be more confident in what God tells us than we are in what others - even those who appear most godly - promote.
Now I reply:
Advocacy Is Not Rebellion. An Education Is Not Wrong.
God gave me an academic, analytical mind for a reason. He gave me a passion and courage for advocacy for a reason. I will not allow myself to be deceived away from this purpose.
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