Can Religious and Secular Socialization Result in Hiding Emotions in the Name of What Is Socially Acceptable
Have you ever felt powerful emotions? Sadness, happiness, anger? How about the need to be alone, the need to be understood, or just plain goofiness? These are the wonderful emotions that show our humanity. They show our different sides. They illustrate our complexity.
I have written rather extensively about the idea that we should hide any negativity in our lives in the name of holiness (on the religious side) and positive thinking (on the more secular side). Recently, however, I have come to believe that it is not just negative emotions we are supposed to hide; it is genuine emotion. Any emotion that may stand out from what other people have learned they are supposed to show.
Try an experiment. Be exceedingly happy. Make jokes. Smile. Be bubbly and even goofy. People will shy away from you. Some people will express agitation.
Be angry. Say what you are feeling about something that is upsetting you. People will automatically quiet down. They will make an excuse to leave.
Try being sad. People may offer a hug. Then they will leave.
As a society, we cannot handle genuine emotion. It makes us uncomfortable.
I believe there are several causes of our discomfort with genuine emotions. I believe one is the idea that anything out of the ordinary, anything different than what the rest of society does, is wrong. If someone dresses differently, walks differently, talks differently, learns differently, or behaves differently; there is something not quite right. They stand out. That is something we do not want to do. Secondly, I believe we have an idea based upon our religious and secular heritage about how we are to behave in public. Think about it. How many parents rush an angry, crying toddler to the car when he or she pitches a fit in the mall? They do not want to be embarrassed. How many parents have ever told their kids, "Be on your best behavior. I do not want to be embarrassed here"? From a young age, we are taught that certain behaviors are socially acceptable while others are not. The idea continues to fester when kids reach school-age. They are "socialized" into believing there are some behaviors that good and others are bad. The good is to hide what we really are. The bad is to do or be anything that sets us apart as individuals with real emotions.
It is this ideology that fosters abuse. Think about it. When kids are told from the time they are toddlers that certain behaviors are socially acceptable and some are not, they have no trouble keeping things a secret. They are not allowed to show their emotions in public. We medicate kids for being too hyper, for crying out loud! It's something that is to be hidden. They learn that's okay. It's normal. Wear the mask of positive thinking and perfection. Hide anything that is genuine or negative. Hiding becomes a way of life.
Adulthood does not change this cycle. We stress fakeness, hiding our emotions, conformity for the sake of being "friends," of being "part of a group," of being "normal."
I, for one, will not hide who I am in the name of normality or perfection or positive thinking. I'm a real, live human being. That's what God created me to be and who I am. Take me or leave me, I'm not wearing the mask. I will not soma my emotions to keep from feeling them or showing them. It is rather ironic how Aldous Huxley portrayed this hiding of emotions in his fictional world. Is that society really so fictional?
I have written rather extensively about the idea that we should hide any negativity in our lives in the name of holiness (on the religious side) and positive thinking (on the more secular side). Recently, however, I have come to believe that it is not just negative emotions we are supposed to hide; it is genuine emotion. Any emotion that may stand out from what other people have learned they are supposed to show.
Try an experiment. Be exceedingly happy. Make jokes. Smile. Be bubbly and even goofy. People will shy away from you. Some people will express agitation.
Be angry. Say what you are feeling about something that is upsetting you. People will automatically quiet down. They will make an excuse to leave.
Try being sad. People may offer a hug. Then they will leave.
As a society, we cannot handle genuine emotion. It makes us uncomfortable.
I believe there are several causes of our discomfort with genuine emotions. I believe one is the idea that anything out of the ordinary, anything different than what the rest of society does, is wrong. If someone dresses differently, walks differently, talks differently, learns differently, or behaves differently; there is something not quite right. They stand out. That is something we do not want to do. Secondly, I believe we have an idea based upon our religious and secular heritage about how we are to behave in public. Think about it. How many parents rush an angry, crying toddler to the car when he or she pitches a fit in the mall? They do not want to be embarrassed. How many parents have ever told their kids, "Be on your best behavior. I do not want to be embarrassed here"? From a young age, we are taught that certain behaviors are socially acceptable while others are not. The idea continues to fester when kids reach school-age. They are "socialized" into believing there are some behaviors that good and others are bad. The good is to hide what we really are. The bad is to do or be anything that sets us apart as individuals with real emotions.
It is this ideology that fosters abuse. Think about it. When kids are told from the time they are toddlers that certain behaviors are socially acceptable and some are not, they have no trouble keeping things a secret. They are not allowed to show their emotions in public. We medicate kids for being too hyper, for crying out loud! It's something that is to be hidden. They learn that's okay. It's normal. Wear the mask of positive thinking and perfection. Hide anything that is genuine or negative. Hiding becomes a way of life.
Adulthood does not change this cycle. We stress fakeness, hiding our emotions, conformity for the sake of being "friends," of being "part of a group," of being "normal."
I, for one, will not hide who I am in the name of normality or perfection or positive thinking. I'm a real, live human being. That's what God created me to be and who I am. Take me or leave me, I'm not wearing the mask. I will not soma my emotions to keep from feeling them or showing them. It is rather ironic how Aldous Huxley portrayed this hiding of emotions in his fictional world. Is that society really so fictional?
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