Spiritual Abuse Culture
I believe our Christian culture romanticizes abuse and uses the words of Jesus and Biblical authors to justify it.
In other parts of everyday society, we are learning the importance of removing toxic relationships from our lives - of distancing ourselves from abuse. We encourage women in domestic violence situations to leave. There is help. We see articles in psychology magazines that discuss how to avoid narcissism. We tell children if something is happening at home to tell a teacher or another trusted adult. We tell them if something is happening at school or camp or in sports to tell a parent. We even have social media groups dedicated to exposing what abuse really is all about (hint: it's about control).
However, the church itself seems to be behind the times. Sure, there are dedicated people who seek to educate and encourage and help people out of spiritual abuse, but the church itself still maintains a spiritual abuse culture. It convinces people they are heroes of the faith if they stay in a system that abuses them to the point that they doubt their own worth. Sadly they use such Verses as Matthew 5:44 and I Peter 4:12-14 and I Peter 3:14-16 and Matthew 5:10 as supposed encouragement to stay where the abuse is happening.
I can always tell when I talk with someone if they are victims of this spiritual abuse culture. If I tell them how I left the organized church world and even share my story of spiritual abuse, and they say, "I won't give up on God" or "I stay and worship God. I just ignore the bad things," then they are victims of this spiritual abuse culture. They have been convinced that staying in a situation that causes them to feel down on themselves, that causes them to doubt their worth, that leads to them feeling hopeless at times is just what God has in mind because persecution is going to come. They need to stay strong for God in that persecution.
I remember when I was in a spiritually abusive situation, I told the pastor that I always thought I was supposed to feel better going to church than staying home. But I didn't. I felt worse when I left than when I came. I thought I was all alone. I thought I was the only one who felt that way - that something must be wrong with me. I had been convinced that I was being strong for Jesus.
Of course, there is also the standby. If the Christian feels this way, it is because he or she is being tempted by the devil or even attacked by the devil. But no matter how much I prayed against the devil, this feeling would not go away. Now, granted, I do believe the devil is behind legalism and spiritual abuse. However, the people within such a spiritually abusive system are the ones who are abusing. The feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness will not end until the victim of spiritual abuse leaves the situation.
I wish I could convince others in similar situations that staying is not what God wants. He does not want them to stay in a spiritually abusive situation any more than He would want a child to stay with an abusive parent - or any more than He would want a woman to stay with a physically and/or emotionally abusive husband. He cares about us. He does not justify spiritual abuse as persecution. There is no heroism in staying.
In other parts of everyday society, we are learning the importance of removing toxic relationships from our lives - of distancing ourselves from abuse. We encourage women in domestic violence situations to leave. There is help. We see articles in psychology magazines that discuss how to avoid narcissism. We tell children if something is happening at home to tell a teacher or another trusted adult. We tell them if something is happening at school or camp or in sports to tell a parent. We even have social media groups dedicated to exposing what abuse really is all about (hint: it's about control).
However, the church itself seems to be behind the times. Sure, there are dedicated people who seek to educate and encourage and help people out of spiritual abuse, but the church itself still maintains a spiritual abuse culture. It convinces people they are heroes of the faith if they stay in a system that abuses them to the point that they doubt their own worth. Sadly they use such Verses as Matthew 5:44 and I Peter 4:12-14 and I Peter 3:14-16 and Matthew 5:10 as supposed encouragement to stay where the abuse is happening.
I can always tell when I talk with someone if they are victims of this spiritual abuse culture. If I tell them how I left the organized church world and even share my story of spiritual abuse, and they say, "I won't give up on God" or "I stay and worship God. I just ignore the bad things," then they are victims of this spiritual abuse culture. They have been convinced that staying in a situation that causes them to feel down on themselves, that causes them to doubt their worth, that leads to them feeling hopeless at times is just what God has in mind because persecution is going to come. They need to stay strong for God in that persecution.
I remember when I was in a spiritually abusive situation, I told the pastor that I always thought I was supposed to feel better going to church than staying home. But I didn't. I felt worse when I left than when I came. I thought I was all alone. I thought I was the only one who felt that way - that something must be wrong with me. I had been convinced that I was being strong for Jesus.
Of course, there is also the standby. If the Christian feels this way, it is because he or she is being tempted by the devil or even attacked by the devil. But no matter how much I prayed against the devil, this feeling would not go away. Now, granted, I do believe the devil is behind legalism and spiritual abuse. However, the people within such a spiritually abusive system are the ones who are abusing. The feelings of powerlessness and hopelessness will not end until the victim of spiritual abuse leaves the situation.
I wish I could convince others in similar situations that staying is not what God wants. He does not want them to stay in a spiritually abusive situation any more than He would want a child to stay with an abusive parent - or any more than He would want a woman to stay with a physically and/or emotionally abusive husband. He cares about us. He does not justify spiritual abuse as persecution. There is no heroism in staying.
Comments
Post a Comment