Whoops. Wrong Bible

One day, Jesus approached a man who was blind from birth. He found the man's mother and asked her, "What on Earth did you do during your pregnancy that caused your son to be blind?" He healed the man, but warned his mother to be more careful.

Next, He heard that His dear friend Lazarus was ill. He lingered a while where He was; and when He arrived, He found Lazarus had been dead for days. Lazarus' sister Martha cried, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died." Jesus said, "I understand your sorrow, Martha; but if you had cooked healthier meals, he wouldn't have gotten sick in the first place. You need to read up on nutrition to prevent this from happening again."

Later, Jesus encountered a man who was lame and begging. Jesus asked him why he was being so lazy and begging. Then He healed him and told him to go get a job.

Oh, wait. Wrong Bible. These are the stories of today's Americanized Christianity. Sorry for the mess-up.