On Waiting Years to Report Abuses
I am fed up with people degrading victims. I am fed up with people saying someone who waits years to report an abuse is lying. I remember my own mother (who was emotionally and mentally abusive) condemning adults who came forward with revelations of childhood abuse. She would then tell her own daughters, "If you ever do that to me after I die, I will come back to haunt you." That may sound far-fetched, but it is the honest truth. You see, abusers know they are abusive. They also know how to make themselves appear perfect to the public. They know how to play the part - angel in public, devil to their victims in private.
I posted this on my Facebook page a day ago:
I'm going to chime in on the whole Kavanaugh thing. Not really on that specifically but on the question of why the women waited so long to report. First of all, I cannot say if he is guilty or not. There is a reason I say I could not serve on a jury. I would not want the job of determining someone else's guilt or innocence. But I hear things like this all the time - why did they wait so long? Why didn't they report it? Well, let me tell you why. I have never been sexually assaulted, but I did grow up in an abusive environment - an environment that I never came out and said was abusive until I went through similar abuse years later. That is, several YEARS later. When someone goes through trauma, it is not easy to admit the trauma existed. We deny it. We pass it off. We blame ourselves. We try to forget it. It is only when something else comes along, that a trigger occurs, that we can finally say, "I do remember that happening, and it was WRONG." I cannot speak for these women, but I am guessing when they saw Kavanaugh appointed to such a high position, they knew they could not remain silent. Just like when I went through spiritual abuse as an adult, I could no longer deny the abuse I went through as a child, teenager, and young adult. Now I am not silent. I REFUSE to be silent. I applaud anyone who realizes they no longer have to remain silent.
Today, I posted these:
Any victim of any kind of abuse can see how it is not only possible but probable that women who are sexually assaulted will not report right away and will continue acting as though nothing happened until they are forced to face the truth. How many women who are literally beaten by their husbands continuously go back to them? How many kids who are abused - emotionally, mentally, physically, or sexually - by their parents cannot bring themselves to say abuse is abuse and continuously seek a relationship with the abusive parent? I think we need to think about what it is like to be a victim rather than to side with politics.
And
Let's be honest. How many little girls are taught - are told by adults - to ignore abuse by other kids? I've seen it happen. I've witnessed it. How many kids and teens are told their opinion does not matter? The opinion of those with more power and authority (parents, teachers, religious leaders, political figures, whatever) is what does matter. I know everyone who has been in any type of authoritative or authoritarian situation has seen that. And we wonder why people wait years to report abusive situations.
What really saddens me is when I see people who I know are victims of abuses condemning those who waited to come forward. They, of all people, should know the struggle. It irritates me when I see those proclaiming the godly choice to is ridicule and mock any possible victim of abuse. No matter one's political opinion, such mocking is nothing short of bullying.
I posted this on my Facebook page a day ago:
I'm going to chime in on the whole Kavanaugh thing. Not really on that specifically but on the question of why the women waited so long to report. First of all, I cannot say if he is guilty or not. There is a reason I say I could not serve on a jury. I would not want the job of determining someone else's guilt or innocence. But I hear things like this all the time - why did they wait so long? Why didn't they report it? Well, let me tell you why. I have never been sexually assaulted, but I did grow up in an abusive environment - an environment that I never came out and said was abusive until I went through similar abuse years later. That is, several YEARS later. When someone goes through trauma, it is not easy to admit the trauma existed. We deny it. We pass it off. We blame ourselves. We try to forget it. It is only when something else comes along, that a trigger occurs, that we can finally say, "I do remember that happening, and it was WRONG." I cannot speak for these women, but I am guessing when they saw Kavanaugh appointed to such a high position, they knew they could not remain silent. Just like when I went through spiritual abuse as an adult, I could no longer deny the abuse I went through as a child, teenager, and young adult. Now I am not silent. I REFUSE to be silent. I applaud anyone who realizes they no longer have to remain silent.
Today, I posted these:
Any victim of any kind of abuse can see how it is not only possible but probable that women who are sexually assaulted will not report right away and will continue acting as though nothing happened until they are forced to face the truth. How many women who are literally beaten by their husbands continuously go back to them? How many kids who are abused - emotionally, mentally, physically, or sexually - by their parents cannot bring themselves to say abuse is abuse and continuously seek a relationship with the abusive parent? I think we need to think about what it is like to be a victim rather than to side with politics.
And
Let's be honest. How many little girls are taught - are told by adults - to ignore abuse by other kids? I've seen it happen. I've witnessed it. How many kids and teens are told their opinion does not matter? The opinion of those with more power and authority (parents, teachers, religious leaders, political figures, whatever) is what does matter. I know everyone who has been in any type of authoritative or authoritarian situation has seen that. And we wonder why people wait years to report abusive situations.
What really saddens me is when I see people who I know are victims of abuses condemning those who waited to come forward. They, of all people, should know the struggle. It irritates me when I see those proclaiming the godly choice to is ridicule and mock any possible victim of abuse. No matter one's political opinion, such mocking is nothing short of bullying.
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