Don't Ask, Don't Tell
There are many ways in which we are a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" society. The phrase "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" has become synonymous with the military proclamation that was in place for many years - the one that said to homosexuals, "Don't tell us you are, and we won't ask you. Keep it a secret, and all will be fine."
Why do we want people to keep secrets? Do we really think about what that does to the people we are asking to hide their lives away to keep others happy?
For years, I kept it a secret that my husband does not share my religious beliefs. It's not that he does not accept many of the things that I do, it's just that he views things differently. As long as I kept that a secret, everything was fine in Christian circles. But when I got tired of hiding it, people really did not know how to react.
I have always been very vocal about unschooling and my educational beliefs about child-directed learning. I have never been afraid to say what I feel about attachment parenting. But when I began becoming more vocal about why I oppose authoritarian parenting practices, those who had vocally opposed my ideas began excluding. It sometimes seems as though it was okay to be vocal as long as they were making their point, but when it came to me upholding my beliefs it was "don't ask, don't tell."
For years - since my childhood - I have kept silent about many of my emotions. Emotions that I needed to get out in order to heal. Emotions that I was always told never to tell about. When I let those emotions out, people shy away. They distance themselves. Even when I speak of the spiritual abuse I have endured, my fellow Christians generally do not respond, as though ignoring a fact will make it go away. "Don't ask, don't tell."
I am tired of the "don't ask, don't tell" mentality. Let me share how it makes people feel. It makes people feel as though they are not worthy of acceptance if everything about them is known. - As though they are unworthy of someone else's time or compassion or, dare I say friendship, if others know they do not live up to a perfect image. It causes nothing but division and misunderstanding and conflict.
Is "honesty is the best policy" only true in cases that are not "don't ask, don't tell?"
Why do we want people to keep secrets? Do we really think about what that does to the people we are asking to hide their lives away to keep others happy?
For years, I kept it a secret that my husband does not share my religious beliefs. It's not that he does not accept many of the things that I do, it's just that he views things differently. As long as I kept that a secret, everything was fine in Christian circles. But when I got tired of hiding it, people really did not know how to react.
I have always been very vocal about unschooling and my educational beliefs about child-directed learning. I have never been afraid to say what I feel about attachment parenting. But when I began becoming more vocal about why I oppose authoritarian parenting practices, those who had vocally opposed my ideas began excluding. It sometimes seems as though it was okay to be vocal as long as they were making their point, but when it came to me upholding my beliefs it was "don't ask, don't tell."
For years - since my childhood - I have kept silent about many of my emotions. Emotions that I needed to get out in order to heal. Emotions that I was always told never to tell about. When I let those emotions out, people shy away. They distance themselves. Even when I speak of the spiritual abuse I have endured, my fellow Christians generally do not respond, as though ignoring a fact will make it go away. "Don't ask, don't tell."
I am tired of the "don't ask, don't tell" mentality. Let me share how it makes people feel. It makes people feel as though they are not worthy of acceptance if everything about them is known. - As though they are unworthy of someone else's time or compassion or, dare I say friendship, if others know they do not live up to a perfect image. It causes nothing but division and misunderstanding and conflict.
Is "honesty is the best policy" only true in cases that are not "don't ask, don't tell?"
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