It's About More than a Grade

No, this is not a post about our family unschooling adventures.

I just want to share this note that I sent to my professor for my interpersonal communications class about how God has taught me critical thinking through my experience. Each week or two, I have to journal about my reading during that time. Each week, I have given information that I knew would get me an A. And it has. This past week, I decided to do something different. I was going to write what I felt I should write, knowing that it would lower my grade. This is what I wrote:

"Entry eight emphasizes thinking rather than advice-giving or controlling.
Every week for our housechurch, we think and discuss. We study together rather than simply listen to someone else’s interpretation of a Biblical topic. Everyone’s opinion is important, and we weigh those opinions against the context of the Scripture we are studying.
A major part of our homeschooling involves critical thinking. Just this Friday, my nine-year old and I were discussing the sale of cotton-top tamarins and how the sale of these small monkeys for pets has played a large part in putting them on the critically endangered list. We even researched websites of individuals selling these animals – most likely, illegally.
Stewart (2012) writes, 'Speech which is used to control the listener evokes resistance. In most of our social intercourse someone is trying to do something to someone else – to change an attitude, to influence behavior, or to restrict the field of activity'(p. 335). This is unfortunately true. However, this mindset is something that we, as a family, try to avoid.
Burley-Allen (1995) echoes,
Expressing ideas and information, rather than giving advice, is one way to stay out of the drama triangle and get others to listen to you. When we express our ideas and share information, we leave listeners free to decide for themselves. We can use the idea and the information in light of their own goals, knowledge, and experience. Our advice is given based on our own beliefs and values, which might not fit the listener (p. 161).
I love it when my classes confirm what God has been slowly leading me to in other areas of my life. This particular area is one that I am very passionate about. It also often leads to one of my biggest frustrations. As Stewart (2012) points out,
The degree to which attempts to control produce defensiveness depends upon the openness of the effort, for a suspicion that hidden motives exist heightens resistance. For this reason attempts of nondirective therapists and progressive educators to refrain from imposing a set of values, a point of view, or a problem solution upon the receivers meet with many barriers (p. 355).
However, God keeps showing me over and over why He has lead me and my family to things that are different by society’s standards."

My professor did count off, which I knew would happen. She explained, " The journals are intended more for self-reflection then cutting-pasting of the author’s words…was hoping to hear more of YOUR critical thinking on these points! "

I saw the grade and response last night. This morning, I decided to send an email that describes why I took a lower grade to journal what I did,

"Dr. P.,

I just wanted to send a quick e-mail. I just saw my grade for my journal entries 7 and 8, which I definitely am not disputing. In all honesty, I knew I would score lower when I journaled what I did. However, it was what I felt I was supposed to write.

I just want to offer, if I may, a different perspective on what critical thinking is.

I will be honest. To me, this class has not been about critical thinking. It has been about taking the word of the authors and applying it. I am not saying there was not a chance to disagree, but it was all about applying what the author said to change ourselves. That is fine, but that, in my opinion, is not all that critical thinking is about.

I will be forty years old April 1. In the past four years, I have felt intense fear, anxiety, spiritual abuse, questioning myself, questioning everything that I have always believed. It took me an extra two years to finish my bachelor's because I went from an A/B student to failing a semester because of what I was going through. I have never experienced spiritual warfare on the level I experienced it. If someone does not believe in the devil, I'll be happy to offer them proof. LOL

But God brought me through, and He taught me more than any author ever could. I'm just offering total self-disclosure. LOL

There are things in the books we are reading for this class that make me think. I think that's great. I love those times. There are other times - which are more frequent - that they confirm something that God has already led me to in the past four years, especially. That does not mean I am not thinking critically. That means that God has already forced me into thinking critically in that area, and now He is giving me confirmation through what that author said. It happens a lot to me - even in my own personal reading. Even when reading fiction.

This past summer is a good example. Growing up in the environment that I grew up in was very similar to the spiritual abuse that I went through as an adult. Both taught silence. "You don't tell this. You don't tell about that." Believe it or not, it was something very minor that happened with my son at this church that I was told to keep quiet that finally pushed me to at least take a break from this environment. I had all plans to go back. But God had different plans. I left with the idea that I did not want my sons to know that feeling of having to keep quiet. I stayed gone because I realized what it had done to me and what it could do to them.

Anyway, I read a book for a reading program at our local public library called Mind of Winter, a fiction novel. In the novel, the main character is told by a psychologist to keep a rubber band on her arm, and when she feels an emotion she does not want to feel, to snap the rubber band to remind her she does not want to think about that circumstance that caused that emotion. When I read that, it gave perspective and confirmation to what I had been going through all these years - especially in the recent years when I was told by church leadership to keep quiet. When we keep quiet, we can't heal. That is what God had been telling me. It was something that I felt guilty about, because they were, after all, leadership. Just as my mother had been leadership. But when I read that, it was honestly a relief, because I saw I was not the only one who saw the dangers in keeping things hidden.

The same was true in my journaling this past week. I live in a very conservative Kansas town. Anything that is progressive is viewed as anti-God. In fact, at the beginning of the school year, I was told at a homeschooling brunch that our form of education is not Biblical. So I can tell you, to me, what I journaled this week meant more to me in terms of critical thinking than anything else that I have journaled. I knew the other journal entries would get me an A. But this week was about more than getting an A. My thoughts were that this was my last journal entry. I have gotten 100% on every other entry. This week, I was going to really write what applied to me, even if that did not get me the grade. My critical thinking experience has taught me what I journaled this week. I was not parroting back information. I was writing from experience.

My other class I am taking this semester is Integration of Psychology and Theology. That class has been teaching me and confirming. I have been able to write about and apply my experiences in spiritually and emotionally abusive situations. It is strange that my philosophy of counseling and my professor's philosophy of counseling are very different. He leans more toward behaviorism (cognitive behaviorism), which I obviously do not. However, I have learned a lot from him and even from the books. A lot of it has been confirmation, as I have included in my assignments. A lot of it have disagreed with. I have included that also. A lot of it I do agree with, and I write why I do agree - from my personal experience. I am not looking forward to that class ending. It has been a favorite, because I am able to incorporate everything about what I believe.

Again, I am not disputing my grade at all. I just wanted to offer you a different perspective if that is okay.

Thank you for your time. God bless.

Kandy"