Pink? That's Okay. Loud and active? That's okay, too.
I am kind of bouncing off my last post with a description of my two sons.
My older son, who is thirteen, is an art lover. He is really good at drawing and painting. He loves history and philosophy and mythology. And Dr. Who. I can't forget how much he loves Dr. Who. One of his favorite colors is pink. He wears orange glasses. He has hair to the middle of his back. In a crowd, he automatically gravitates to girls. In fact, strangers often mistake him for a girl because of his long hair.
My younger son, who is eleven, could be described as active. The Fourth of July is his favorite holiday because he loves seeing what he can do with fireworks - as in twisting different kinds together to see if he can make the impact more exciting and keeping souvenirs of boxes that he burns in his pyroexperiments. Just yesterday at the celebration of our independence, he melted a plastic potato chip can and blew up a potato chip. He loves math and science. He's a cat lover - really, an animal lover, in general. And he adores video games. He also can't hold still.
My sons could not be more different from one another. And you know what? That's okay.
I believe, though, we have a problem with society. We have problem because we have part of society is either telling some boys they are too feminine or we have other parts of society telling other boys they should be softer-spoken, less active, and more... well, feminine. We can't let people just be who they are.
We don't seem to have this problem with women.
I believe it is because women have fought long and hard to be heard and respected. Go feminism! Although women do still put up with discrimination in other ways, most of society is not going to doubt what women are capable of. Women have a voice, and they are not afraid to use it.
But the tides have turned.
Now men are often afraid to be themselves.
I think a lot of it comes down to forced socialization. I remember when my sons were little, their pediatrician told us she was so glad we were homeschooling because schools are not good for boys. She was the mother of boys and understood that boys do things differently than schools often demand.
And it's true. As far as our idea of what is appropriate in society, girls (or boys who are deemed more "feminine") have an easier time fitting in with what society considers good behavior. Give a five-year old girl and a five-year old boy a color picture. Watch and see which one stays in the lines, colors for longer, and receives more praises. In most cases, it's going to be the girl. (Boys like my thirteen-year old are exceptions to this, of course).
Ask any teacher to name the students that have a difficult time sitting still and listening to a class presentation. I can guarantee more boys' names will be on that list that girls' names. Who are the students who are deemed "teachers' pets" but those who are able to listen, answer questions, and have good manners?
Again, I believe it all comes down to socialization - those beliefs that all people have to behave a certain way to fit in, in order to be "right." You see, boys like my thirteen-year old are misunderstood because they like things that are "for girls." But then boys like my eleven-year old are misunderstood because they are too active, too hyper, too - dare I say - "boyish"?
When we are forced into a mold of what is acceptable and what is not acceptable based upon a man-made system of acceptance, anyone who does not want to or is not able to fit that mold is left out. Plain and simple. It is time to change our ideas of socialization.
My older son, who is thirteen, is an art lover. He is really good at drawing and painting. He loves history and philosophy and mythology. And Dr. Who. I can't forget how much he loves Dr. Who. One of his favorite colors is pink. He wears orange glasses. He has hair to the middle of his back. In a crowd, he automatically gravitates to girls. In fact, strangers often mistake him for a girl because of his long hair.
My younger son, who is eleven, could be described as active. The Fourth of July is his favorite holiday because he loves seeing what he can do with fireworks - as in twisting different kinds together to see if he can make the impact more exciting and keeping souvenirs of boxes that he burns in his pyroexperiments. Just yesterday at the celebration of our independence, he melted a plastic potato chip can and blew up a potato chip. He loves math and science. He's a cat lover - really, an animal lover, in general. And he adores video games. He also can't hold still.
My sons could not be more different from one another. And you know what? That's okay.
I believe, though, we have a problem with society. We have problem because we have part of society is either telling some boys they are too feminine or we have other parts of society telling other boys they should be softer-spoken, less active, and more... well, feminine. We can't let people just be who they are.
We don't seem to have this problem with women.
I believe it is because women have fought long and hard to be heard and respected. Go feminism! Although women do still put up with discrimination in other ways, most of society is not going to doubt what women are capable of. Women have a voice, and they are not afraid to use it.
But the tides have turned.
Now men are often afraid to be themselves.
I think a lot of it comes down to forced socialization. I remember when my sons were little, their pediatrician told us she was so glad we were homeschooling because schools are not good for boys. She was the mother of boys and understood that boys do things differently than schools often demand.
And it's true. As far as our idea of what is appropriate in society, girls (or boys who are deemed more "feminine") have an easier time fitting in with what society considers good behavior. Give a five-year old girl and a five-year old boy a color picture. Watch and see which one stays in the lines, colors for longer, and receives more praises. In most cases, it's going to be the girl. (Boys like my thirteen-year old are exceptions to this, of course).
Ask any teacher to name the students that have a difficult time sitting still and listening to a class presentation. I can guarantee more boys' names will be on that list that girls' names. Who are the students who are deemed "teachers' pets" but those who are able to listen, answer questions, and have good manners?
Again, I believe it all comes down to socialization - those beliefs that all people have to behave a certain way to fit in, in order to be "right." You see, boys like my thirteen-year old are misunderstood because they like things that are "for girls." But then boys like my eleven-year old are misunderstood because they are too active, too hyper, too - dare I say - "boyish"?
When we are forced into a mold of what is acceptable and what is not acceptable based upon a man-made system of acceptance, anyone who does not want to or is not able to fit that mold is left out. Plain and simple. It is time to change our ideas of socialization.
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