Happiness
I have often heard it said other people cannot determine your happiness. In many ways, I do not agree with this. This is why.
If a child is in an abusive home, that child's parents do determine his or her happiness. He or she can try to be strong, but I can promise that abuse will have long-term effects. That child's happiness is at the discretion of the abusers.
If an individual - male or female - is in a physically or emotionally abusive relationship, the abuser does determine that individual's happiness. That individual may try to be happy, may try to live a normal life; but the pain and depression that nags in the background will not allow full happiness. It will not allow normalcy.
The idea that we should not allow others determine our happiness is oftentimes abusive in itself. Narcissistic abusers often use this argument to keep their victims under their control. This mindset convinces those who have been hurt by others that they are not strong enough. They are not brave enough. They have to be doing something wrong if they feel wronged or unhappy in the situation they face. In fact, this idea - much like the idea that just thinking positively will solve all of our problems or the idea that those who are bullied should just stop doing what the bully doesn't like - re-victimizes the victim.
I do not believe we can be truly happy while there are toxic people in our lives. I learned that from my experiences in spiritual abuse. No matter how hard I tried to control my emotions of depression and anxiety, no matter how much I pretended to be happy; I could not heal and be happy until I got out of that situation. I could not live life to the fullest until I removed the toxicity from my life.
Think of this illustration. If I ingest a toxic substance and then just tell myself I need to feel better, I am only going to get sicker and sicker. My body is going to slowly die from the toxic substance until it is removed completely from my body.
The same is true of our emotional health - our happiness, our joy. If there is a toxic person or a toxic environment in our lives, we cannot be emotionally happy until we remove that toxin. While it is there, we will die mentally.
We must not be afraid to remove what is toxic to us in the name of being strong or being in charge of our own destiny or thinking positively. As a quote that is often (perhaps falsely) attributed to Sigmund Freud says, "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by a**holes." Whether Freud said that or not, I could not offer better advice if we want to truly be happy.
If a child is in an abusive home, that child's parents do determine his or her happiness. He or she can try to be strong, but I can promise that abuse will have long-term effects. That child's happiness is at the discretion of the abusers.
If an individual - male or female - is in a physically or emotionally abusive relationship, the abuser does determine that individual's happiness. That individual may try to be happy, may try to live a normal life; but the pain and depression that nags in the background will not allow full happiness. It will not allow normalcy.
The idea that we should not allow others determine our happiness is oftentimes abusive in itself. Narcissistic abusers often use this argument to keep their victims under their control. This mindset convinces those who have been hurt by others that they are not strong enough. They are not brave enough. They have to be doing something wrong if they feel wronged or unhappy in the situation they face. In fact, this idea - much like the idea that just thinking positively will solve all of our problems or the idea that those who are bullied should just stop doing what the bully doesn't like - re-victimizes the victim.
I do not believe we can be truly happy while there are toxic people in our lives. I learned that from my experiences in spiritual abuse. No matter how hard I tried to control my emotions of depression and anxiety, no matter how much I pretended to be happy; I could not heal and be happy until I got out of that situation. I could not live life to the fullest until I removed the toxicity from my life.
Think of this illustration. If I ingest a toxic substance and then just tell myself I need to feel better, I am only going to get sicker and sicker. My body is going to slowly die from the toxic substance until it is removed completely from my body.
The same is true of our emotional health - our happiness, our joy. If there is a toxic person or a toxic environment in our lives, we cannot be emotionally happy until we remove that toxin. While it is there, we will die mentally.
We must not be afraid to remove what is toxic to us in the name of being strong or being in charge of our own destiny or thinking positively. As a quote that is often (perhaps falsely) attributed to Sigmund Freud says, "Before you diagnose yourself with depression or low self-esteem, make sure you are not, in fact, just surrounded by a**holes." Whether Freud said that or not, I could not offer better advice if we want to truly be happy.
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