Thoughts on Mother's Day

Mother's Day

Growing up, I was never allowed to mention Mother's Day.  My mother hated the holiday.  Her offspring who lived in the home (my sister and I) were not allowed to give Mother's Day gifts.  We were also not allowed to give Father's Day gifts, because my mother did not like that holiday either.  Christmas was celebrated - if we should call it celebrated - as quickly as possible.  I could go on...

I still feel an awkward feeling on Mother's Day, especially, even though it has been seventeen years since my mother died.  It is now a holiday about me, as a mother.  I love spending it with my family and getting trinkets and tokens of love from my sons.  But there is still a feeling inside that I have to ignore this day.  When I hear people proclaim, "Happy Mother's Day" to me or I receive memes on social media; I am unsure how to respond.

On Being a Mother 

I am now the mother of a teenage son and an almost teenage son.  My own teenage years were my most miserable years of my life.  I could do nothing right as a teenager.  I was accused, judged, and condemned for things I had never done or even thought of.  I was called abnormal and absent of common sense.  I was controlled and emotionally abused.  Freedom of thought was the only straw that did not become the final.  I clung to my thoughts that could not be controlled or taken from me.

That leaves me going somewhat blind on how to parent a teenager.  Childhood was different.  There were things I discovered about myself, areas that I needed to improve.  I was honest with my sons about those things.  I would tell them about my past and explain that sometimes I react from those experiences.  I need their help.

But I know how the teenage years can make or break a parent/child relationship.  These years are different.  There are new challenges - teenage challenges.  There is a new development, a new thought pattern.  There needs to be a balance of freedom and guidance that I do not feel qualified to offer.

The Best for the Moment 

I am learning the value of doing my best in the moment I am in.  That does not mean my best at this time on this day will be the same as my best tomorrow at the same time or next year at the same time.  It means that, right now, this is the best I can do.  Grace will have to cover where I fall short.  

That is not an easy thought for me.  I was raised with a level of perfection.  If I fell short of that perfection, I was punished.  That punishment was emotionally draining and would last for days on end.  

Of all things, I know I do not want my sons to feel that.  I want them to see that I also give them grace in the moment.  Part of growth means pushing ahead and falling back.  It means making mistakes and seeing victories.  We just do what we can.  

I am leaning on that concept - at least for now.