Faith and Fear

I have had many discussions with people about faith and fear. So often, people buy into the idea that faith and fear cannot occupy the same heart or mind.  There is even a Max Lucado quote that says so much.  I have no doubt this theology is based upon our interpretation of James 1:-5-8 - "But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him. But he must ask in faith without any doubting, for the one who doubts is like the surf of the sea, driven and tossed by the wind. For that man ought not to expect that he will receive anything from the Lord, being a double-minded man, unstable in all his ways."  Aside from the fact that this passage is speaking of an individual asking God for wisdom and therefore is not really related to a discussion about faith and fear; as someone who has had a lifetime battle with scrupulosity and OCD, I can say it is extremely possible for both faith and fear to be present in the same heart. As someone who, from childhood, was taught to fear and has had my own experiences of depression, anxiety, spiritual warfare, and spiritual abuse; I know what the mingling of faith and fear feels like.  

Last night, my family and I attended an Imagine Dragons concert.  When we arrived at the venue (a venue I had never seen in person, I might add), and I witnessed the location of our seats; I told my family I could not do it. I do not like heights. There is no way I could climb to the second seat from the top of the fourth level of seating and watch a concert that far below me.  Not even for one of my favorite groups.  I would like to say I conquered that fear and climbed those steps, but I didn't.  My husband explained my fear of heights to an understanding manager; and that manager exchanged our seats for ones a little lower down.  I was so grateful, I hugged the guy - and I am not a hugger.  

We were sixteen rows below where we would have been - in a type of balcony area.  This was doable for me, but still extremely uncomfortable.  I scooted my chair as far back from the guard rail as I could and gripped the chair next to me.  Last night, I can say both faith and fear held me in their grip.  Both anxiety and elation over seeing one of my favorite groups in concert occupied my being. When the opening act came on, I almost threw up.  When Imagine Dragons began (and let me tell you, their music was loud.  The floor shook with every beat of the drum and stroke of the bass), I had to look away from the stage below us.  There were times I closed my eyes to re-adjust. 

Last night is just an example of the mingling of emotions - both positive and negative.  Doctor's appointments almost always result in the mingling of faith and fear.  I love traveling, but traveling results in the mingling of faith and fear.  Anything unknown results in such a mixture.  

I think, though, God understands such a blending. I think it coincides with this: "Jesus said to him, 'If you can believe, all things are possible to him who believes.' Immediately the father of the child cried out and said with tears, 'Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!' When Jesus saw that the people came running together, He rebuked the unclean spirit, saying to it, 'Deaf and dumb spirit, I command you, come out of him and enter him no more!' (Mark 9:23-25). I think, all too often, people are afraid (pun intended) to admit their fear; so they convince themselves faith and fear cannot occupy the same heart. It's kind of like the power of positive thinking. In reality, though, what God wants is not positive thinking. It is for us to admit our weakness. It is then that He can be strong.  

I might add, this mingling of faith and fear does not mean we should allow our fear to stop us.  Just as I know such a blend is possible, I know how easy it is to allow fear to dominate.  We must put ourselves in situations that challenge our fear.  We must put ourselves in situations that we know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, will push our anxiety.  We must sit in a chair sixteen rows from the ceiling of a concert arena - even if we cannot make it to the very top. They key is getting out of our comfort zones.  It may take baby steps.  That is okay.  That is a part of admitting our weaknesses.  But we still have to have the belief in the unbelief.  The unbelief cannot overpower.