Thanksgiving Emotions
Thanksgiving is difficult for me, as I have shared before. For most other holidays, there seems to be a purpose. Thanksgiving's purpose is simply to gather together with other people. In particular, its purpose is to gather together with family. Now, don't get me wrong, I love spending time with my immediate family. I love watching my sixteen-year old son bake special desserts. I love relaxing while my fourteen-year old sits in his robe, playing video games. It's a time of historical studies in our unschooling, which is always a plus for me. However, new memories are not the only memories for me.
Thanksgiving also conjures memories from my past. They are memories of never being good enough, of favoritism, of being mocked for my beliefs, of days-long arguments with my mother because I would not bow down to the ideas of my sibling who was her golden child, of gaslighting ("Oh, you're overreacting. That's just him. He's trying to upset you. You should ignore it"). Not that all these memories took place on Thanksgiving. Many were just a part of normal, everyday life. However, Thanksgiving's symbolism of family bothers me, because these memories are what family was to me. Most other days, I forget the memories. Most other days, I can move past them and enjoy life. Most other days, I can share my experiences in the attitude of standing against abuse. However, on Thanksgiving, it is more difficult. Some years are better than others. This year, it's not so great.
My sons and I have been studying the Wampanoags for our Thanksgiving study this year. We have discussed how the Wampanoags today view Thanksgiving as a Day of Mourning. I can respect that. In my extended family, there has never been a discussion of things from the past. It's as though everything is erased from memory. People argue, abuse, demand, and then all is to be forgotten. We are to pretend everything is perfect. That reminds me a lot of Native American history. Native Americans were abused, were killed, were shoved onto reservations, were stolen from, and all is just to be forgotten because, well, it's Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful because the "Pilgrims and Indians" celebrated together back in the seventeenth century. The Wampanoags and other tribes are saying, "No. Enough is enough. We will no longer pretend. We will no longer validate your myths." That is the position I am taking this year at Thanksgiving. I will celebrate my immediate family. I will also mourn for my past. Both are important for me and my own healing.
Thanksgiving also conjures memories from my past. They are memories of never being good enough, of favoritism, of being mocked for my beliefs, of days-long arguments with my mother because I would not bow down to the ideas of my sibling who was her golden child, of gaslighting ("Oh, you're overreacting. That's just him. He's trying to upset you. You should ignore it"). Not that all these memories took place on Thanksgiving. Many were just a part of normal, everyday life. However, Thanksgiving's symbolism of family bothers me, because these memories are what family was to me. Most other days, I forget the memories. Most other days, I can move past them and enjoy life. Most other days, I can share my experiences in the attitude of standing against abuse. However, on Thanksgiving, it is more difficult. Some years are better than others. This year, it's not so great.
My sons and I have been studying the Wampanoags for our Thanksgiving study this year. We have discussed how the Wampanoags today view Thanksgiving as a Day of Mourning. I can respect that. In my extended family, there has never been a discussion of things from the past. It's as though everything is erased from memory. People argue, abuse, demand, and then all is to be forgotten. We are to pretend everything is perfect. That reminds me a lot of Native American history. Native Americans were abused, were killed, were shoved onto reservations, were stolen from, and all is just to be forgotten because, well, it's Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is a time to be thankful because the "Pilgrims and Indians" celebrated together back in the seventeenth century. The Wampanoags and other tribes are saying, "No. Enough is enough. We will no longer pretend. We will no longer validate your myths." That is the position I am taking this year at Thanksgiving. I will celebrate my immediate family. I will also mourn for my past. Both are important for me and my own healing.
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