Runaway Radical. It Spoke to Me. On Spiritual Abuse and Legalism

Call it timing.  This book spoke to me.  Not indirectly.  Directly - to me.  

The other day,  I had someone - a fellow Christian - tell me that they should not have prayed so hard for me about a certain situation - a situation that I am so thankful turned out the way it did.  But because this person felt that I was not following her advice, she must have assumed I was undeserving of the blessing.   

That situation brought back so many memories of thoughts that are often expressed in Christianity.  These are thoughts I have harbored myself quite often.  These are thoughts that were found ingrained in my own scrupulosity.  The fear that I needed to please God by letting go of everything that was me.  

As I read Runaway Radical by Amy Hollingsworth and Jonathan Hollingsworth, I thought back to my own, personal spiritual evolution.  I have written extensively about my controlled childhood and early adult years, about my journey into freedom only to be tied down again by spiritual and emotional abuse, about my healing, about finally being able to say that I am enjoying life again.  Perhaps that I why I could relate to what was written in this book.  

Jonathan Hollingsworth embarked on a year-long mission trip to Africa with the idea that doing so would please God.  He wanted to do anything he could to win God's favor.  He felt he had to.  When he encountered manipulation and control, he returned home disillusioned and depressed.  When his church used the Bible as a weapon against him  and told him, in so many words, to pretend the ordeal never happened; things spiraled downhill.  He questioned not only his faith, but God.  

Runaway Radical encompasses my own emotional roller coaster these past four years.  I can relate to the striving to please God.  Really, the fear of not pleasing Him.  I can relate to the spiritual abuse - of being told that healing should come from the very people that inflicted the pain.  I can relate to the depression, to the search for understanding.  I can relate to coming to terms with the my own inadequacies and the inadequacies of beliefs I never questioned before.  

I have much more to write about this book.  For now, I need to go through and highlight some key paragraphs, pages.  If you get the chance to read this book, which is available on Amazon, please do.  It will offer you a new perspective.  

"When you are led to believe that you can't trust your heart or your instincts or even your experiences, then you become dependent on someone else's direction.  In most cases that someone is a spiritual leader or leaders who are - miraculously - unaffected by emotions, good or bad, and are able to think and feel clearly for you.  They will do their best to invalidate your story.  If that doesn't work, they will tell you not to tell your story." - Amy Hollingsworth