Now Through a Glass Darkly
"For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known" (I Corinthians 13:12, KJV).
There is a question I have been asking God for a while. I have asked Him why He led me to an environment in which I would face spiritual and emotional abuse. I have asked Him why I knew I was supposed to be there.
You see, when I was in this environment, I received direct answers to prayer. Literally, I would pray about something very personal, and that Sunday, whatever I prayed about would be answered in the sermon. These were things that were weighing on my mind so heavily. Burdens that I gave to God. And He answered. During the time I was there, I thought that these answers I received were proof that I was where God wanted me to be.
When I left, and I would feel guilty for leaving, I would often pray that God was not angry with me for leaving the place He had led me to and made so clear to me that I was supposed to be there. The scrupulosity that had been my companion for many years made this feeling worse. I felt like such a disappointment. Then I began to think that, perhaps, God had led me to this situation to face things from my past. He led me there to see the spiritual environment that my mother had grown up in so that I could understand things from my childhood and face ideas that I had encountered. Perhaps that was my way of still justifying my leaving that situation and feeling that, perhaps, God was not so disappointed in me after all. I'm still not sure. I still feel - or maybe want to feel - that this is at least part of the reason.
But maybe I'm not supposed to know. Maybe I'm not supposed to know the whys. I'm just supposed to trust God. Paul wrote in I Corinthians 13:12 that now we see through a glass, darkly. Maybe that's why Hebrews 10:38 tells us the just shall live by faith and why II Corinthians 5:7 says we are to walk by faith, not by sight. The sight isn't going to make sense to us sometimes. That's not easy for someone like me who enjoys analyzing situations.
Just a few days ago, I read a post on Facebook from an amazing author. She told of her conversion experience - that it was because of a stalker and a cult. She was selling books when a stranger began following her, forcing her to the home where a prayer group for what came to be known as a cult was transpiring. It was through this group that she came to know Jesus.
The day after I read this Facebook post, my family celebrated the twelfth day or Christmas or epiphany. We discussed how God led the wise men to Jesus. It has been said that the wise men, the magi, were Easter astrologers whose mythology taught that this particular conglomeration of planets that they discovered would lead them to a god. They were determined to follow this star to find this god. Indeed they did find God. God incarnate. The Savior of the world.
When Paul spoke to the Athenians at the Areopagus in Acts 17, he talked with them about their own poets and their own beliefs. He did not dismiss anything that God could use to draw men to Him.
I have come to understand that God gives us answers when we seek. Wherever we are. He is there with us. I have come to realize that we are not to seek to understand God's ways of leading us. We are just to trust in His leading. We are to sometimes ignore the sight and keep the faith. We are to realize that seeing through a glass, darkly means that we are not going to have all of the answers or know why He led us as He did. We are to just keep going forward in Him and His plan.
There is a question I have been asking God for a while. I have asked Him why He led me to an environment in which I would face spiritual and emotional abuse. I have asked Him why I knew I was supposed to be there.
You see, when I was in this environment, I received direct answers to prayer. Literally, I would pray about something very personal, and that Sunday, whatever I prayed about would be answered in the sermon. These were things that were weighing on my mind so heavily. Burdens that I gave to God. And He answered. During the time I was there, I thought that these answers I received were proof that I was where God wanted me to be.
When I left, and I would feel guilty for leaving, I would often pray that God was not angry with me for leaving the place He had led me to and made so clear to me that I was supposed to be there. The scrupulosity that had been my companion for many years made this feeling worse. I felt like such a disappointment. Then I began to think that, perhaps, God had led me to this situation to face things from my past. He led me there to see the spiritual environment that my mother had grown up in so that I could understand things from my childhood and face ideas that I had encountered. Perhaps that was my way of still justifying my leaving that situation and feeling that, perhaps, God was not so disappointed in me after all. I'm still not sure. I still feel - or maybe want to feel - that this is at least part of the reason.
But maybe I'm not supposed to know. Maybe I'm not supposed to know the whys. I'm just supposed to trust God. Paul wrote in I Corinthians 13:12 that now we see through a glass, darkly. Maybe that's why Hebrews 10:38 tells us the just shall live by faith and why II Corinthians 5:7 says we are to walk by faith, not by sight. The sight isn't going to make sense to us sometimes. That's not easy for someone like me who enjoys analyzing situations.
Just a few days ago, I read a post on Facebook from an amazing author. She told of her conversion experience - that it was because of a stalker and a cult. She was selling books when a stranger began following her, forcing her to the home where a prayer group for what came to be known as a cult was transpiring. It was through this group that she came to know Jesus.
The day after I read this Facebook post, my family celebrated the twelfth day or Christmas or epiphany. We discussed how God led the wise men to Jesus. It has been said that the wise men, the magi, were Easter astrologers whose mythology taught that this particular conglomeration of planets that they discovered would lead them to a god. They were determined to follow this star to find this god. Indeed they did find God. God incarnate. The Savior of the world.
When Paul spoke to the Athenians at the Areopagus in Acts 17, he talked with them about their own poets and their own beliefs. He did not dismiss anything that God could use to draw men to Him.
I have come to understand that God gives us answers when we seek. Wherever we are. He is there with us. I have come to realize that we are not to seek to understand God's ways of leading us. We are just to trust in His leading. We are to sometimes ignore the sight and keep the faith. We are to realize that seeing through a glass, darkly means that we are not going to have all of the answers or know why He led us as He did. We are to just keep going forward in Him and His plan.
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